9 Things People Wish Their Pastors Knew About Divorce

When someone going through separation or divorce turns to you for help, will you know how to respond?

The end of a marriage brings emotional, spiritual, relational, and even financial upheaval. And as a pastor or church leader, you may feel unsure about how to support them well. Many people in this situation feel ashamed, isolated, or even invisible in their own church.

This article outlines two common experiences shared by people in divorce recovery—plus practical ways your church can offer support.

1. “My emotions are crazy.”

Divorce creates a mix of emotions that feel chaotic: anger, grief, guilt, numbness, fear, and confusion.

“Through years of a troubled marriage, I numbed myself to a lot of emotions just to survive every day.” Laurel

“I found a million ways to deaden my pain, but I didn’t realize I was also blocking my ability to feel joy.” Georgia

What you can do:

• Let people know it’s normal. Divorce is disorienting. Telling people ahead of time that emotional ups and downs are expected can help them feel less “broken.”
• Encourage rest and grace. Divorce recovery is a journey, and it’s important to take each day at a time.
• Connect them with a DivorceCare group. Just hearing “me too” from others on the same journey is incredibly healing.
  
  

2. “I didn’t want a divorce.”

Even for those who’ve seen it coming for years, it’s a shock when divorce finally happens. And the trauma experienced when it happens out of the blue is beyond what words can express. What can make it even worse is when others make judgments about their actions and decisions during and after the marriage.

“I had worked so hard to make the marriage work.” Che-Von

“I was hoping for a reconciliation. The pain is so deep.” Jennifer

What you can do:

• Encourage prayer: Though prayer might not be the first response that comes to mind, it is often the only constructive thing left to do. Dr. Stephen Viars, pastor, says, “It’s an opportunity to go to the Lord in prayer, being vulnerable, saying, ‘My heart is overwhelmed. I didn’t expect this. … and I’m asking You to give me direction as I think about what I should do next.’”

• Let them know that God is redeeming their situation and can use any situation, no matter how disappointing, for His glory and their good.

Provide a DivorceCare group

The need for divorce recovery support is greater than ever—and it’s often overlooked in churches. But you can change that. By offering DivorceCare, you give people a place to feel seen, understood, and spiritually renewed.

This 13-week program provides:

• Biblical tools for recovery
• Community and understanding
• A path toward rebuilding with hope

Want more insights?

This article is just a preview. For more stories, insights, and actionable tips, download your free copy of  “9 Things People Going Through Divorce Wish Their Pastors Knew.”