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For someone experiencing separation or divorce, the holiday season no longer feels like the “most wonderful time of the year.” Instead, it may prove the most painful.
Where there were once shared traditions, joyful gatherings, and family rhythms, now there’s loneliness, emotional ambushes, and uncertainty. As a church leader, you’re likely already thinking about how to care for the hurting in your church during this season. There’s a specific group that may go unnoticed: those grieving the loss of their marriage.
Divorce isn’t just a legal event—it’s an emotional and spiritual crisis
During the holidays, emotional pain intensifies. Triggers are everywhere: TV ads, songs on the radio, family traditions, social events, and empty spaces around the dinner table. The holiday season magnifies losses.
Jennifer, a past DivorceCare participant, recalls:
“It was difficult Christmas shopping and watching TV, because I’d see couples walking around together. I would look at them and wonder, ‘What do [those women] have that I don’t?’”
Your congregants are also asking big questions this season:
- Will I always feel this alone?
- How do I navigate the holidays with my kids?
- Does God even care about what I’m going through?
Your church can be the place that offers them hope.
Practical ways to encourage those struggling
1. Acknowledge the loss
Don’t assume someone is “okay” just because they smile at church. A simple, sincere word like “I know this season may be hard” can open a meaningful conversation. Recognize their loss in prayers or pastoral messages. Let them know their grief is valid.
2. Offer support that’s more than coffee
Grabbing coffee and meals are helpful, but people also need safe spaces to process the emotional and spiritual weight of divorce. What pastoral care, counseling referrals, or peer support groups does your church offer during the holidays?
3. Encourage realistic expectations
Help people avoid the pressure to “put on a happy face.” Remind them it’s okay if the holidays look different this year. Offer grace-filled language that allows them to simplify traditions, opt out of painful gatherings, or start something new.
“Give yourself permission to feel sad,” says family therapist Ron Deal. “Know you’re going to be sad on that day. That’s okay.”
4. Watch for emotional ambushes
From unwrapping old ornaments to attending parties solo, moments can unexpectedly trigger overwhelming sadness. Help your church community understand that these moments are normal and not a sign of spiritual failure.
5. Invite them to a place of refuge
Hosting a DivorceCare Surviving the Holidays event is one of the most effective ways your church can care for the separated or divorced this season. In just two hours, participants receive:
- Practical survival strategies
- Insights from experts and people who’ve been there
- A chance to share with others who understand
And most importantly, they’re reminded they are not alone—there is hope.
Host a holiday event that brings comfort and hope
As you prepare your church calendar, consider this: What if the most important event you host this season is for the person quietly suffering through a divorce in the pew?
When you sign up and host a Surviving the Holidays event, you provide more than a program; you offer a lifeline.
Show up for those in your church who will struggle this season, especially when the lights dim and the joy feels far away. Your ministry could be the turning point in someone’s holiday season.
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