Can My Marriage Be Saved After an Affair?, Part 2

In part 1, we explored the early stages of healing after an affair, including how to uncover the truth, respond with honesty, and begin rebuilding trust. If you haven’t read part 1, we recommend starting there.

If you and your spouse are committed to rebuilding, what comes next? What emotional, spiritual, and relational steps help couples find their footing again?

Approaching restoration

Restoring a broken marriage is never easy. But with humility, time, and God’s help, it is possible.

You’re going to feel a lot—and that’s okay.

After the affair comes to light, the roller coaster of emotions doesn’t end. It often intensifies.

If you’re the betrayed spouse, you may:

• Feel overwhelming anger and grief
• Wonder, “Will I ever be able to trust again?”
• Blame yourself or feel like you weren’t enough
• Want to forgive, but find it hard to do so

If you were unfaithful, you may:

• Feel angry at yourself or others
• Push back against control or accountability
• Crave emotional affirmation or freedom
• Struggle with shame or want to “move on” quickly

These reactions are normal and must be faced honestly. Remember, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

Ask deeper questions

Lasting restoration doesn’t come from quick fixes. It comes when you ask deep, honest questions:

• What do I believe about God—and how does He view me right now?
• Where does my value come from?
• What kind of marriage do we want to build moving forward?
• Am I finding my identity in Christ?

Many people seek identity in work, image, or success. When those things falter, it’s easy to look elsewhere for affirmation. But when we face our struggles, we can grow.

“You are precious and honored in my sight, and … I love you.” —Isaiah 43:4

Rebuild boundaries as a couple

An affair impacts far more than just two people.

You may be wondering:

• How much do we tell the kids?
• What do we say to friends or family?
• Can we still attend the same church or social circles?

A crucial step is creating healthy, mutual boundaries, especially if the third party is part of your community, family, or workplace.

Ask yourselves:

• Is future contact with this person necessary?
• What boundaries make us both feel safe?
• Are we united in what’s okay and what’s not?

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” —Proverbs 4:23

Caution: If you feel pressured to keep secrets, minimize the affair, or continue contact with the third party, talk to a counselor or your DivorceCare leader. These are warning signs. Emotional, spiritual, and physical safety must come first.

How to rebuild trust

Trust isn’t a switch you flip. It’s rebuilt slowly through consistent, honest actions. A DivorceCare counselor says, “Trust is not restored quickly. When couples say trust is back just weeks after discovery, I’m skeptical.” 

Here’s what helps:

• Schedule regular check-ins three to four times a week: “How are we doing?”
• Share what you’re learning about yourself
• Talk about emotions, not just logistics
• Be honest about doubts or fears
• Seek outside support—like counseling. If you are already separated or divorced, join DivorceCare

“Love is patient, love is kind. … It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” —1 Corinthians 13:4, 7

Make space for spiritual growth

As you rebuild your marriage, reflect on these questions:

• What is God calling me to in this season?
• What does it look like to live with humility and grace?
• How can we grow spiritually—both together and individually?

Couples who grow through crisis often say they’ve had the deepest conversations of their marriage during recovery. That’s a good thing. Use this time to build something new, not just restore what was lost.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. … And be thankful.” —Colossians 3:15

What has helped other couples recover

Real stories can help you feel less alone.

• Karen and Mark had financial stress tied to the affair. Restoration meant transparency with money and emotional healing through counseling.
• Angela and Steve had children and were involved in their church. Healing included counseling and honest conversations with their kids.
• Lena and James were young and eager to move forward. Lena, however, needed time, and James had to learn how to give space and reassurance.

Every story is different. Every couple needed time, truth, and guidance.

“Bear with each other and forgive one another. … Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”  —Colossians 3:13

This week: Small steps you can take

Whether you’re the betrayed or offending spouse:

• Talk openly. Set aside time to check in emotionally.
• Read Scripture together. Try Psalm 51 or 1 Peter 5:10.
• Pray together or for each other. Even one honest prayer matters.
• Set one small goal. Journal, read a book, or attend a group together.
• Join a DivorceCare group. If you’re separated or divorced, consider joining a DivorceCare group. The support and insight can help you heal.

Looking ahead

Your marriage doesn’t have to go back to what it was. It can become something stronger, wiser, and more honest.

You don’t have to walk this road alone. If you are working on your marriage, seek help from your church leaders or pastor. Talk to a trusted counselor. If you are divorced or separated, join a  DivorceCare group today. Invite God into the pain and ask Him to lead the way.

“He refreshes my soul.” —Psalm 23:3

Adapted from “How to Restore Broken Marriages After an Affair” by Dr. Les Carter