Finding hope when one parent turns a child against the other
If you’re currently walking through separation or divorce, you may find yourself experiencing something confusing and painful, such as your child pulling away from you, repeating hurtful things they’ve heard from the other parent, or refusing to spend time with you. This behavior could be the result of parental alienation. Understanding what it is can help you begin to respond in healthy ways.
What is parental alienation?
Parental alienation happens when one parent intentionally or unconsciously tries to damage a child’s relationship with the other parent. Parent alienation can look like:
- Speaking negatively about the other parent
- Encouraging the child to reject the other parent
- Convincing the child that the other parent is unsafe or doesn’t care about them
- Making false or exaggerated claims about the other parent’s actions or motives
Over time, the child may echo these criticisms, show anger or fear toward the targeted parent, and even push away extended family members.
How it affects children
Children caught in the middle of alienation often:
- Make extreme or unfair statements about one parent (e.g., “They don’t love me”)
- Share stories that don’t seem logical or true
- Show little or no guilt about being disrespectful to the targeted parent
- Become defensive and say, “This is how I really feel. Nobody told me to say this.”
These experiences can deeply harm a child’s emotional and spiritual well-being. They may later struggle with trust, self-worth, and stability for years to come.
How can you respond
As a parent, you may feel powerless in the face of alienation. While you can’t control the other parent’s behavior, you can take steps to protect your heart and continue loving your child.
Do:
- Stay calm. Resist the urge to argue with your child when they repeat hurtful words.
- Keep showing love. Remind them you care, even if they reject your affection.
- Build their self-esteem. Notice their good choices and affirm their strengths.
- Encourage respect. Model kindness and respect, even if you’re not receiving it.
- Pray for wisdom. Ask God to guide you in responding with patience and grace.
Don’t:
- Bad-mouth the other parent to your child
- Pressure your child to see the good in you or to take your side
- Assume you have the complete picture of what’s happening
- Give up on pursuing a healthy relationship with your child
Where God meets you
When you feel rejected by your child, remember you are not alone. God understands the pain of broken relationships. He promises His love will never fail you (Romans 8:38–39). He can bring healing to your heart and, over time, restoration in your family.
- God loves your child even more than you do.
- He can use your steady love and prayers to plant seeds of truth in your child’s heart.
- Through Christ, forgiveness and reconciliation are possible, even in the most painful situations.
Finding support
If you’re experiencing parental alienation, know that it’s not your fault and you don’t have to walk through it alone. DivorceCare is a safe place to share your struggles, gain perspective, and find encouragement from others who understand.
For more support, visit divorcecare.org or dc4k.org. God can meet you here, bring you comfort, and strengthen you as you continue to love your child through this challenging season.
